themarunator:

So Con who’s one out of the four members (including myself) of the Facebook PM Critique Club messaged these screenshots of Sophie’s Bestie’s suicide post.

I was about to go to sleep thirty minutes ago and I find myself typing these words now because there’s no way I can sleep right after reading something like this.

The thing is I used to self harm and I just cannot, still, explain why. I don’t have so much to say about this but I still want to write something because it’s something I’ve gone through and I know personally that it feels like shit. Mostly you’ll end up feeling really, really awful and you cannot just grasp the reason of it all. It’s a hell hole and while you’re in there it’ll be so much of a loop that there’s seriously nothing can help you out of it anymore.

I cannot blame her. Or anyone. I, myself, don’t actually know if I’ve conquered depression or if I ever had it at all. One thing’s for sure, during those days it felt like there’s no way out and the bravest thing left to do is to just end it all. I swear a successful suicide is not cowardice at all. At some people it’s such a brave thing to accomplish. Call me crazy but in the depths of me, my-fifteen-year-old self felt jealous. 

She sounded so calm while typing the suicide note and that’s an indication that there’s nothing that can take her away from death anymore because she already made up her mind. She’s damn sure of what she’s gonna do. She was ready. It seemed to her that it’s the best of what’s left. We do not know her personally. Maybe even her colleagues may seem surprised on what she did so we cannot say that others have it worse and that she’s being shallow or #firstworldprobz. She had something that consumed her all and that’s enough to made her decide to end her life.

There are two points that I wanna say in this post. 

First, to those people who have these kind of thoughts. Please, it’s a phase you can get through. Always think of those who will blame themselves after you do such drastic act. Think about those people who will always wonder about you and look for you like how it’s all gonna be if you’re still here. Think about all those people whose life are going to be changed forever when you’re forever erased in the picture. I know it may seem that no one will actually do these things for you but believe me, there are so many people who loves you and it may sound hypocritical but it’s true. Remember to always talk to someone. Always do something else if this ever enters your mind. Always do something that will pull you up from the loop. Things change and you know that. Always always love yourself.

Second, to those people who knows someone who’s capable of self harm. Please, this is not their way of looking for attention. I know it becomes irritating at times but maybe it’s a proof of your lack of attention. They say that the only thing that can help suicidal people are themselves but it’s actually wrong. What they need is support and sense of belonging. One of the frequent things that comes to their minds is the cold brought by the feeling of emptiness so please find a way to fill them up. Do not ever make fun of their feelings because maybe you are the last string and you are the one who’s responsible of the trigger. Please be extra sensitive and be aware of these people. These people are shady that they do not even know they are depressed or something. You do not know a person is depressed because, I believe, they do not wanna bother people with their nothingness. So just always be the better person because actually, we do not know who we are really pushing. Normally it isn’t just the way of thinking of a depressed person that triggers them, sometimes it is how people treat them.

It’s really sad that we, again, lost a life against depression. This shit is cancer. We may lessen the damage but it come and goes. Let’s just be mindful. We may not be able to totally dissolve the number but we can always lessen them. It’s just really sad. I hope things will never be too late for anyone.